Saturday, August 31, 2013

A fancy public toilet: don't get caught with your pants down.

There are a some things in life that make me nervous. And public toliets are right up there.

It's not about the germs or general grossness either. That's a whole other issue. The public toilets that make my nerves rattle are those baby change /disabled toilets with automatic shut doors where you press the button once to shut the door and a second time to lock it.

They are a bit fancy.

And its their fancieness that makes me nervous.

You see, the first time I used one of these toilets I was at Melbourne Airport. There was a huge line up for the ladies, so I, being 8 weeks pregnant and running a tad bit late for my flight, granted myself permission to use the fancy toilet.

I ran into the fancy toilet, pressed the button to close the door and dropped my dacks. I am admiring the wall tiles. Daydreaming about my final destination and the flight ahead. M&Ms or peanuts on todays flight I ponder when "whoosh" that fancy door slides itself open.


I am on a toilet.

I freeze and don't make a sound. I don't want to draw anymore attention to myself. But the person who has opened the door has her back towards me. She is busy with her mop and bucket. 

She is the cleaner and behind her is flight 109 to Sydney.

She finally looks up and sees me sitting on my porcelain thrown. Mouth wide open. Cheeks bright red. Pants around my ankles. Hands on bits.

"Tsk, tsk." She says and then loudly announces to me and flight 109;

"You need to lock the door. Once to shut. Twice to lock."

Right. I got it lady. 

She bends over and puts her bucket down.

"Canyoujustshutthebloodydoor?" I shout.

I watch as the door comes to a slow close. I close my eyes and try to wish it away. Nope. Still there. Cleaner, people, vending machines, blue carpet, coffee cart, newspaper stand. Airport lights.


What just happened? I stare at the button and take note of her advice.

But, nowhere does it say press twice to lock lady cleaner. Argh. I stand up. Pull up my strides and wash my hands. I look at my reflection. I am all shades of red. And I cant delay this any longer. I need to catch my flight. I press the button.

Once to exit. I put my head down and avoid eye contact and make my dash.

I get on my flight and leave the scene. The scene of fancy toilets and opening doors. But you see, this day has stayed with me and these fancy toilets they make me nervous. Even more nerve-wrecking is a toddler fingers hovering over the open door button whilst on seated on the toilet. Today, he teased, "Marrrm, look out. Ill press it". Bless him.

So, whatever you do. Remember, once to shut, twice to lock!

Notice, how the toilet is in front of the door? Cruel.

So, tell me what makes you nervous and what's your most embarrassing story?