Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Don't judge me but I can't read a map.

I have a problem. And this problem of mine causes serious {yet, predictable} issues every time we jump in the car and take off on a little family drive adventure.

Problem is I cant read maps or give any helpful directional advice. Nope, I really can't. They confuse the bleepn' hell out of me. I have on several lone driving excursions got very lost. 

And I won't even mention the time that a girlfriend and I got so ridiculously confused by a map that we ended up backtracking all the way back to Wodonga through bushfire scrubbery in the soaring heat. As a result we missed our bestest lady friends wedding rehersal. Bad bridesmaids. Sorry Simone.

Here we are, lost. It was so hot and I was so pregnant. At least we were still smiling. 

Hooray we arrived. Note the time. 5.17. Very. Very. Late.

So frazzled and hungered by our drive, we ate dinner at the local RSL where the local dinner dance was being held.

Thankfully, she was a blissfully chilled bride and didnt mind a bit. Rocking 36 weeks preg here at Gapstead winery. 

You see, the problem has only got worse since I met my husband. He is the map reader and I rely on this. I pack the nappy bag, the lunch boxes and fill the water bottles and he knows where to drive. 


Except when he asks me to provide the directions, which is what happened on Tuesday on our way to the tulip farm.

We were so excited to get going that we jumped in the car and less than 5 minutes later he asks me "what road do I take Jo?"

I reply, "I don't know... Out that way on that big road." *Waving hand.
H: "Which big road? The Eastern?"
Me: "Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Lilydale?"

Silence. Driving.

H: " you want to look it up?"
Me: *groans. "Not really."
H: "Well, you need to. I'm driving"

So I begin searching google maps on my iPhone for directions and naturally I get distracted by a random Facebook comment, a very funny email and a friend sunning it up on Instagram. 

5 minutes pass.

H: "You got it, yet?"
Me: "Yeah it's here, see?"

I shove the phone in the husbands direction and point at a big road. 

H: "Jo, I can't look at the phone. Tell me where I need to go. This road or that road? Read the map!"

He is not impressed.

Me: "I can't read maps. You know that."
H: "its not hard, look at the numbers."

I turn the iphone upside down on its head looking for numbers. Irritating husband further. All I can see is green, which I think is grass. I stare blankly at a strectch of road. That must be it. I point to road. 

Me: "Here, maybe?"
H: "Where the heck is here?"
Me: all huffy now* "I dont know, I dont know. You know I can't read a map. You married me with this knowledge. You know I don't have the map reading gene. Blame my genetics" as I throw my phone on the car dashboard.

Husband pulls over to look at map. 

Silence. Makes a u-turn and takes off down road.

Me: "We all good now?"

H: "Yes, Jo."

And that's a typical family adventure drive. Map reader, I am not. Don't judge.

Love Jo xxx

Ps. The Tesselaar tulip festival is amazing. And if you are heading out there, here's a map. You can thank me later. 

Are you a map reader? Can you teach me a thing or two about maps?